We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
