is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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