i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
