i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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