I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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