his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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