you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
