i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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