but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
