Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
