i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
