you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
