me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
