i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
