why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ttyl tear gas
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
