there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
