I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
