i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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