Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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