I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
