look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
