Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
