Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize