nutella sex= disaster
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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