its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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