Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
