I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
