hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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