Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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