why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
