Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
