I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
