last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
