You don't have asthma, your pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
