yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
