so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
