So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
