u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
