with your own penis?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
