So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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