accomplished twins. life is a go
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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