ugly people sure do ruin things
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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