I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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