I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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