Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
