the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
