he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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