I wish my penis had an off switch
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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