At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
