mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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