alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What a dumb baby whore.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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