I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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