those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
