Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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