then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
