I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
