both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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