so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
