Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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