Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize
