Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
