Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
