i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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