Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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