Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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