Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
