Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
