My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
