I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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