i don't like sucking hair
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
