Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
