the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
