If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
