Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
