im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
