You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
