I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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