Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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